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1. People tried charging their phones with potatoes. The Snake came, ate the potatoes, and said, "Now use your brains."
2. Someone watered a cactus hoping it would grow into a melon. The Snake crawled out of the pot and hissed, "Nice try, botanist."
3. A guy plugged in a banana to charge it. The Snake bit the banana and said, "That’s a fruit, not a gadget."
4. People started meditating on a TV remote. The Snake turned on the news and said, "Here’s reality for you."
5. Someone drank water from a kettle thinking it was detox. The Snake slid out and whispered, "Burn smart, not dumb."
6. A girl tried to tame dust. The Snake showed up and said, "You’re dust too, but not magical."
7. A man argued with a mirror. The Snake looked in and said, "You lost. The mirror’s smarter."
8. People made soup in a laundry tub. The Snake surfaced and said, "Washing powder broth? Not today."
9. Someone opened a café just for cockroaches. The Snake came, ate the menu, and said, "Closed for wisdom."
10. A man was petting water, thinking it was a cat. The Snake popped up and said, "A cat would bite gentler."
11. Someone tried to give a cloud a haircut. The Snake floated by on a balloon and hissed, "Nature has its own stylist."
12. People paid with nails at the store. The Snake slithered through the register and said, "What cartoon are you from?"
13. Someone glued a broken phone with snot. The Snake showed up and said, "Now that’s a medical case."
14. A guy opened a yoga studio for stones. The Snake coiled into lotus pose and said, "You need therapy."
15. A man searched for Wi-Fi in a teapot. The Snake appeared and whispered, "Next time, search for a brain."
16. A girl wrote letters to ants. The Snake came and said, "They can’t read. And you barely can."
17. Someone tried to teach a broom to play chess. The Snake knocked over the pieces and said, "Checkmate. For you."
18. People used a hairdryer in a swamp to dry a crocodile. The Snake slithered by and said, "Wrong place. This ain’t a salon."
19. A guy fed vitamins to a lightbulb. The Snake bit the cord and said, "Stop shining stupidity."
20. A girl drew money on the pavement. The Snake appeared and said, "Okay artist, time to get a real job."
1. Why did the cloud break up with the sun?
– It felt overshadowed in the relationship.
Weather Jokes (1–10)
2. I asked the wind to stop blowing so hard.
– It just gave me a cold shoulder.
3. My umbrella and I are in a toxic relationship.
– Every time I need it, it disappears.
4. “You look radiant today,” said the weather to the sun.
– “Thanks! You’re looking a bit stormy yourself.”
5. I wanted a tan, but the clouds insisted on a family reunion.
6. Don’t trust the weather forecast.
– Even my ex was more consistent.
7. I caught the rain stealing my mood again.
– We’ve been in a drizzle of emotions.
8. The snowflake went to therapy.
– It was tired of being told it was just like everyone else.
9. My weather app said it was sunny.
– Then I looked outside and saw the app needs therapy too.
10. The thunder told a joke, and the lightning laughed so hard it flashed!
💬 Jokes about Schizophrenia and Psychiatry
1. The psychiatrist told me: "You talk to voices too much." I replied: "At least I always have someone to chat with."
2. My doctor said: "You need hospitalization." I said: "Can I just have a cup of tea and a normal conversation instead?"
3. They wanted to put me in a mental ward because I see things that aren’t there. Then they noticed my neighbor really *does* have a rat in his fridge.
4. “You’re not sane,” said the system that thinks working 12 hours for minimum wage is completely normal.
5. They treated me for schizophrenia but cured me of trusting doctors.
6. In psychiatry, they told me I should “accept reality.” What if reality doesn’t accept me?
7. Sometimes I talk to myself. Sometimes to someone else. But that doesn’t mean I’m dangerous. It means I’m lonely.
8. “You have schizophrenia, you need treatment.” – “Okay, but let’s start by talking, not straight into a padded cell.”
9. Schizophrenia is when the world feels too loud. Psychiatry is when it suddenly becomes too quiet.
10. They wanted to hospitalize me because I hear voices. Then it turned out it was just my neighbor doing renovations.
11. The doctor said: “You see things that don’t exist.” I said: “I wonder how many people ignore what *does* exist.”
12. “You're crazy,” said the system that pays millions for ads and 20,000 rubles for therapy.
13. Schizophrenia isn't a sentence. It's a special way of perceiving the world. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes scary. But not dangerous.
14. They told me I was delusional. Then the president said the same thing and got elected.
15. When you hear voices, they call it madness. When millions hear them, they get a mic and a paycheck.
16. They wanted to force me into treatment. Maybe first try listening?
17. Schizophrenia is like the internet with bad Wi-Fi: sometimes weird messages come through, but the site still works.
18. The doctor asked: “Do you believe in aliens?” Me: “Do you believe I belong in a psychiatric ward?”
19. They sent me to a mental hospital because I talk to trees. Then scientists proved trees communicate too.
20. “You need to be hospitalized.” – “Maybe just a vacation instead?”
Weather Jokes
1. I hate when the sun says “I’m coming out today” and then immediately hides behind a cloud like a shy teenager.
2. It rained so hard today that even the ducks started looking for an umbrella.
3. My weather app said “sunny with a chance of rain.” So basically, it’s emotionally unstable.
4. The forecast was partly cloudy. Turns out, the clouds were just on strike.
5. Today’s weather: confused.
6. Winter called. He wants his dignity back after I slipped on ice for the third time.
7. When you wear flip-flops in -5°C and still think you're making a fashion statement.
8. Thunderstorms are just nature's way of playing bass too loud at a party.
9. Why did the snowflake go to therapy? It had too many layers and couldn't melt properly.
10. The wind today isn’t blowing — it’s arguing with everyone who walks by.
11. I told my friend it was going to rain, but he said he didn’t believe in forecasts. Now we’re both wet.
12. The weather is like my ex — unpredictable, moody, and occasionally stormy without warning.
13. Forecast: 0% chance of me leaving my blanket today.
14. When it’s sunny outside but your soul is still gloomy — that’s called being human.
15. If the sun doesn’t come out tomorrow, I’m filing a complaint with the universe.
16. Why don’t clouds ever get invited to parties? They always bring the thunder.
17. The sky tried to apologize today with a rainbow, but honestly, it was too little too late.
18. I asked for a mild winter. Got something between global warming and a zombie apocalypse.
19. This heatwave is so intense, even my fridge is sweating.
20. Rain boots are just adult water shoes for people who never grew out of jumping in puddles.
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